


clean up in aisle seven

by oathskeeper



Series: retail hell au [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Retail, Awkward Romance, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, M/M, Multi, Rating May Change, Slice of Life, honestly no one asked for this au but yet here we are, idk what i'm doing tbh, more kpop idols to be added as we go, semi chat fic, some chapters will be chat text others will be normal narrative
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-04-19 00:32:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14225226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathskeeper/pseuds/oathskeeper
Summary: "The last time you and Jaebum hyung went to go pick up supplies for our group project alone y'all almost ended up doing each other doggy style in the dressing room of a Sears.""First of all,fuck you. And second of all it was a Target.""This is why department stores won't hire Jaebum anymore."





	1. so far we're suffering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the retail hell au no one asked for.

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **yugs:** hey guys 

 

 **yugs:** r we still meeting at the library later for our project??

 

 **yugs:** cuz i might be running a bit late :((

 

 **sunshine:** ???? 

 

 **sunshine:** did something happen???

 

 **yugs:** i'm still training the newbie and well things got a little outta hand and now there's choco frap everywhere :((

 

 **sunshine:** oh no !!!!

 

 **jyp:** i take it the screaming i heard about six minutes ago was from your end of the store then?

 

 **yugs:** :(

 

 **jyp:** figures.

 

 **yugs:** listen you try training someone while it's happy hour fraps i am s t r e s s e d

 

 **jyp:** how hard is it to use a blender lol

 

 **sunshine:** hyung be nice u know how he gets around this time of year

 

 **sunshine** : remember the psl fiasco? 

 

 **bammie** : lmao that was gr8

 

 **yugs:** that lady had it coming ok

 

 **yugs:** i regret nothing

 

 **jacks:** i still can't believe jb hyung got an A from using pics of that incident for his final project last semester

 

 **sunshine:** speaking of projects does anyone have the faintest idea about what we're doing for ours?

 

 **bammie:** no

 

 **jacks:** no

 

 **jyp:** no

 

 **sunshine:** o same

 

 **sunshine:** glad it's not only me

 

 **yugs:** suddenly i am stressed again

 

 **mark:** ur about to be even more stressed when u realize that we're all going to fail lmao

 

 **yugs:** :(((((((((

 

 **jacks:** damn mark finally speaks in the chat and it's a third degree burn

 

 **jyp:** that's... that's not even a burn...

 

 **jacks:** let me have this ok

 

 **jyp:** no

 

 **jacks:** :(

 

 **mark:**  lol

 

 **mark:** anyway i got some leftovers from work for the late night fun but do you guys want anything else?

 

 **sunshine** : !!!!

 

 **sunshine:** can u get me some nuggets?????

 

 **sunshine:** i had to skip lunch today bc someone released the hamsters again :(

 

 **jyp:** jackson...

 

 **jacks:** i promise it wasn't me this time

 

 **jyp:** hm

 

 **jacks:** i sWE A R

 

 **jacks:** I WAS WITH MARK HYUNG DURING LUNCH HOUR I PROMISE

 

 **mark:** both his hands and mouth were busy during that time trust me

 

 **jyp:** ew

 

 **bammie:** ew

 

 **yugs:** ew

 

 **sunshine:** ew

 

 **mark:** ;)

 

 **mark:** aNYWAY

 

 **mark:** nugs for sunshine

 

 **mark:** anyone else?

 

 **jacks:** can u get me taco bell babe? :**

 

 **mark:** sure 

 

 **mark:** the usual?

 

 **jacks** : yes pls!!!

 

 **bammie:** jacks i thought u were doing that cleanse thing with the girls in the jewelry dept

 

 **jacks:** i am

 

 **jacks:** but it's a cheat day today

 

 **bammie:**????

 

 **bammie:** that's what you said yesterday when we stopped at cinnabon during break

 

 **jacks:** tHAT WAS FOR DESSERT CHEAT DAY

 

 **jacks:** TODAY IS TACO BELL CHEAT DAY OK

 

 **jacks:** LOOK JUST LET ME GET MY NACHO BELL GRANDE AND CHALUPA SUPREME IN PEACE OKAY

 

 **mark:** dw babe i got u

 

 **mark:** i'll even get u a diet pepsi

 

 **jacks:** i love one man

 

 **mark:** ;) ;) ;)

 

 **jacks:** ;) ;) ;)

 

 **jyp** : why must you bring y'alls weird sense of foreplay into the group chat

 

 **bam:** pls like u and jb hyung are any better

 

 **jacks:** where is hyung anyway

 

 **jyp:** his phone died earlier but i'm headed out to meet him right now

 

 **jyp:**  we're gonna pick up the supplies we need for the project

 

 **bammie:** wait so you and hyung are picking up the supplies????

 

 **jyp:** yes????

 

 **sunshine:** oh no

 

 **mark:** rip

 

 **yugs:** y i k e s

 

 **jacks:** double yikes

 

 **bammie:** triple yikes

 

 **jyp:** ????

 

 **jyp:** what's wrong with hyung and i going to go pick up the stuff?????

 

 **bammie:** uhhhhh

 

 **yugs:** well...

 

 **jyp:** ???

 

 **jyp:** go on i'm waiting

 

 **sunshine:** it's not like you guys aren't reliable or anything like that!!!

 

 **sunshine:** it's just...

 

 **mark:** remember the last time u and bummie went to get the stuff?

 

 **jyp:** yes?

 

 **jyp:** we got everything with no problem??

 

 **jyp:** i don't understand why you guys are making a big deal outta this

 

 **jacks** : well jinyoungie that's because

 

 **jacks:** the last time u and jaebum hyung went to go pick up supplies for our group project alone y'all almost ended up doing each other doggy style in the dressing room of a sears

 

 **jyp:** first of all

 

 **jyp:** _fuck you_

 

 **jyp:** and second of all

 

 **jyp:** it was a target

 

 **jacks:** L IKE THAT  MA KES  A DI FFE R ENCE

 

 **mark:** this is why dept stores won't hire jaebum anymore lmao

 

 **mark:** because of jinyoungie's voyeuristic and public sex kink

 

 **jyp:** iT WAS ONE TIME

 

 **jyp:** okay maybe twice but still

 

 **sunshine:** we are so gonna fail

 

 **bammie:** yup

 

 **jacks:** yup

 

 **yugs** : yup

 

 **jyp:** yup

 

 **mark:** n i c e

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **jaebum:** what the fuck did i miss

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working retail hell while trying to pave your way through school can be a wild ride lmao. in case anyone's wondering they all work in different retail stores (aside from jackbam) in a giant ass mall as well as going to the same uni on the side. also this is heavily unedited and not very amusing so i apologize but i've had this story stuck in my head since forever and i just needed to get it out. also be gentle with me it's been so long since i've actually sat down to write a fic alskdfja;
> 
> while i know where i'm putting each of the boys to work... i'd love to hear about where you guys think the boys should work or at least take a guess as to what store you think they work at. i know there's not much to go by in this chapter but it would still be fun to see what stores you think they're stuck in. :)


	2. we're still suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How long do you think it'll be before Yugyeom breaks down crying and locks himself in the freezer again?"
> 
> "A week tops."
> 
> "Two weeks. Maybe."
> 
> "I'd give it another three days."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited.

"So, remind me again why out of all the classes we could've chosen we chose _art history_ as the class we all wanted to share together?"

"Because Jinyoung wanted to take it but didn't want to take it alone so he forced Jaebum who then forced the rest of us to take it as well because misery loves company."

A group of collective groans came from around the table they were currently seated at. They had all arrived at the library in orderly fashion with food and laptops in hand. Now they were just waiting for a certain JJ duo to arrive with their supplies and Yugyeom with, hopefully, some caffeine so they could maybe begin their group project on time for once.

"We should've taken figure drawing." Bambam mumbled as he reached across the table to grab another burrito from the pile of food Mark had graciously brought them. Youngjae scrunched his nose at that statement and made a slight whine,

"Doesn't Wonho hyung do modeling for that class from time to time? I don't know how I'd feel in seeing him in y'know all his glory."

"I would've been down for that. That's one hunk of man I wouldn't mind staring at for a good hour and a half" Jackson sighed as he began to stuff himself with another bite of his food almost choking when he looked up to see his boyfriend glaring at him from across the table. "Don't glare at me like that you _know_ I'm not wrong when I say he's good eye candy. You've seen his man tiddies."

Mark huffed and simply rolled his eyes. "I'm going to ignore the fact that you've just said the words 'man tiddies' because I love you, but your eyes should be on _me_ at all times mister." He knew his boyfriend would never be unfaithful to him but that didn't mean he liked it when Jackson let his eyes wander on anyone else but himself. Youngjae, sensing the small tension between the two, butted in with nervous laughter,

"None of us can even draw anyway. We'd probably make poor hyung cry with how horrible we'd draw him."

"True."

"Kihyun would slit our throats if he found out we made Wonho cry."

"That is also true."

"Kihyun hyung scares me."

"Ditto."

"I question Hyunwoo hyung's taste when it comes to Kihyun hyung to be honest."

"You question _that_ , but don't question how the fuck Hyunwoo hyung manages to work with Bam at _Sephora_ of all places?" Mark raised an eyebrow at Jackson.

"Hey man don't doubt my hyung's contour skills." Bambam cuts in, waving his burrito around in his hand as if it gives his statement some sort of emphasis. "He'll make your face look like it was carved by gods when he's finished with you." Taking a bite of his emphasis burrito before continuing, "Also, he scares the shoplifters away. Our theft rate has dropped _tremendously_ since he started."

"I'm honestly just surprised you know what the word 'tremendously' means."

*** 

"Bam, has Yugyeom texted you? It's been a good twenty minutes since he said he was on his way."

"Hm? Oh yeah he said it's probably going to be another hour before he's able to get here."

"What? Did something happen again?"

"Yeah... something about another mishap with the new kid and the blender and a whole lot of vanilla bean. Basically he's gotta clean the whole place up again even though they literally just finished cleaning up the first mess."

"Poor kid..."

An awkward pause.

"How long do you think it'll be before Yugyeom breaks down crying and locks himself in the freezer again?"

"A week tops."

"Two weeks. Maybe."

"I'd give it another three days."

***

"Alright us sitting here doing nothing but stuffing our faces with questionable meat substance burritos isn't going to get this project done. Let's just see what we can get done on our own and hopefully get something accomplished tonight."

Mark made the first move to grab his backpack and started to dig around in it. After a little digging he pulled out the stapled pieces of paper and began reading what their oh so loving teacher had wanted them to do. "According to the instructions we're supposed head the museum and pick one of the rooms and write about the pieces in the room. Oh, and make a PowerPoint as well. So, I guess we're gonna have to pick a room where they'll actually let us take pictures."

"That doesn't sound too bad." said Youngjae as he leaned over to read along with Mark.

"It's not. The hard part is finding time for all of us to go to the museum together."

Jackson and Bambam both groaned. If there was one thing the duo hated more than group projects it was museums. "Wait so we have to go together?" Jackson asked as he reached over to take the paper from Mark's hand. "Can't we just send Jaebum hyung and Jinyoung? I mean Jaebum can take pictures of the room for us and they can show it to us later on."

"It says right here that we have to provide photographic proof that we as a group all went." Mark leans over and points to the highlighted section clearly stating that all members of the project must go to the museum together and must take some form of proof that they actually went.

"This is a load of _barnacles_."

"Looks like there's no way around. Pull out your work schedules and let's try to find a decent time for all of us"

All four boys dug into their pockets and dug out their phones. Each of them scrolling through their recent photos in order to find at least one common factor in their days off for the following week. Bambam whines as he leans his head against the table, "Ugh. Himchan hyung's out for vacation this week so my schedule is the absolute worst. I mean I need the money but I'm not off until Saturday."

"Saturday works for me." says Mark as he throws his phone back into his bag.

"I can do Saturday but I don't get off until two..." Jackson mumbles as he stares at his schedule in despair.

"Shouldn't be that much of a problem. Doesn't the museum do half price admission after three anyway on the weekends?"

"If I can get Jihyo to take my shift it should be okay for me too."

"Yugyeom should be good for Saturday too."

"What about Jinyoung and Jaebum hyung?"

"Jinyoung never works on Saturdays and Jaebum practically makes his own schedule anyway so they'll probably be fine?"

"Speaking of which they sure are taking a long time aren't they?" asked Youngjae as he looked towards the entrance. Everyone else nodded in agreement. It had been at least a good hour or so since they had last heard from the two and while JB was notorious for late responses (or rather not responding at all) Jinyoung on the other hand was pretty good at keeping the boys updated about their whereabouts at all times.

"Wait a minute," Jackson begins, "didn't Jinyoung say he read the instructions before they left? There's nothing in here that says we need any physical materials so then why the heck did they run off to the store?"

"He might've gotten confused with our Biology project. We're supposed to make a model display of some sort." Bambam replies with a mouth full of another burrito.

"It's not late enough in the semester for Jinyoung hyung to be losing his mind and getting projects mixed up. He probably thought we wouldn't actually read the instructions and realize there's no need for materials."

A small pause follows after Youngjae's last statement. They all look around at each other wondering who will be the one to say what's all on their minds first. Jackson, being Jackson, takes the plunge by reaching into his pocket and pulls out a was of bills and places a few on the table.

"Five bucks says Jinyoung's currently sucking the life outta JB hyung in the bathroom of a Krispy Kreme."

"Bet." Mark and Bambam say in unison.

"You guys are so horrible!" Youngjae wails before a sheepish look appears on his face as he places a couple of his own bill son the table. "Another five says it's actually a KFC this time."

"You're on.

***

Sorry we took so long guys, but we stopped to get some fried chicken for everyone and you would not believe the line."

Jackson, Mark, and Bambam all collectively groan as soon as the words leave Jinyoung's mouth. Jackson pushes the bills already on the table towards Youngjae while the other two begin digging in their own pockets. Confusion washes over Jinyoung's face as he watches the exchange but as he opens to question what was going on he's interrupted by Jaebum walking in with the boxes of chicken.

"Hey what did I miss?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a small filler chapter i wanted to get outta the way before i start writing fun shenanigans.


	3. only snuggles no struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Someone peed in the dressing rooms again."

**chat: jACKBAM FOREVER AND ALWAYS**

 

 **chopstick legs:** hey hyung 

 

 **chopstick legs:** I'm stopping by yugs to grab some coffee before my shift starts

 

 **chopstick legs:** do u want anything??? 

 

 **jflawless:** yeah actually

 

 **Jflawless:** could u get me a venti choco chip frap with whip and extra chips? 

 

 **chopstick legs:** extra chips??? 

 

 **chopstick legs:**  aND WHIP???? 

 

 **chopstick legs:** hyung,,,, r u ok? 

 

 **jflawless:** ofc

 

 **jflawless:** actually could u pick me up a pretzel too? 

 

 **jflawless:** extra cheese dip pls 

 

 **chopstick legs:** AND A PRETZEL??????

 

 **chopstick legs:** ok hyung what's going on 

 

 **chopstick legs:** u never go for BOTH sweets AND bread unless it's serious 

 

 **jflawless:** someone peed in the dressing room again 

 

 **jflawless:**  taecyeon hyung made me clean it up 

 

 **jflawless:** :( 

 

 **chopstick legs:** dIS GUS T I N G

 

 **chopstick legs:** do u think it was the same dude from last week?

 

 **jflawless:** idk

 

 **jflawless:** but it was so gross bam

 

 **jflawless:** like we have restrooms for a reason!!!!

 

 **jflawless** : i'm just tired it's been a long day

 

 **chopstick legs:** aw hyung

 

 **chopstick legs:** i'm gonna get u those little pretzel dogs too 

 

 **chopstick legs:** bc u deserve it!!!!

 

 **jflawless:** ioi_whatta_man.mp3 

 

***

 

**chat: markson is endgame**

 

 **rich bitch:** hey jacks

 

 **rich bitch:** bammie said u had a rough day today?

 

 **baby boy:** yeah...

 

 **baby boy:** someone peed in the dressing rooms again 

 

 **baby boy:** :(

 

 **baby boy:** all i want is snuggles

 

 **baby boy:** but all i get is struggles

 

 **rich bitch:** aw baby don't worry

 

 **rich bitch:** we can snuggle all u want when i get home

 

 **baby boy:** really????

 

 **baby boy:** can we order pizza too???

 

 **rich bitch:** already ordering it as we speak

 

 **baby boy:** i am ???? so loved ??? today ?????

 

 **baby boy:** my heart is so full ??????

 

 **baby boy:** what did i do to deserve this?????

 

 **rich bitch:** because you're my good boy babe

 

 **rich bitch:** and u deserve the world

 

 **baby boy:** suddenly i am hard

 

 **rich bitch:** <3

 

***

**chat: eeeeeeeasssyyyyyyyy**

 

 **bammie:** <333333333333333333

 

 **bammie:** ;****************

 

 **gyeomie:** ???

 

 **bammie:** i forgot to give you goodbye kisses earlier :(

 

 **bammie:** so this will have to do

 

 **bammie:**  <3333333333333333333333333333

 

 **gyeomie:** there are tears???? in my eyes?????

 

 **gyeomie** : i love my soft boyfriend?????

 

***

**chat: tired parents of five**

 

 **nyonige:** hey babe ;)

 

 **nyongie:** what are you wearing? ;)))

 

 **beommie:** uh khakis? 

 

 **nyongie:** you know what never mind

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **sunshine:** alright which one of you hoes forgot to pick me up

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated ; v ;


	4. hell hath no furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If Jinyoung hyung does Jaebum hyung while he's still wearing the bunny suit doesn't that make him a furry?"

 

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **wangster:** y OU G U YS

 

 **wangster:** I'M GONNA HAVE A ST RO KE

 

 **sunshine:** ????????

 

 **daddy long legs:** ????????

 

 **frapfrap:** ????????

 

 **wangster:** I WENT OVER TO BATH AND BODY WORKS TO SEE JOOHEON FOR LUNCH

 

 **wangster:** AND Y'KNOW HOW THEY HAVE THE EASTER BUNNY SET UP NEAR THERE?

 

 **wangster:** THE FUCKING DUDE INT EH B UNNY SU IT

 

 **wangster:** WAS JAEBUM HYUNG

 

 **markeu:** how did u even know it was him

 

 **wangster:** i spent the entirety of freshman year thirsting over those shoulders

 

 **wangster:** i'd recognize them anywhere

 

 **sunshine:** i can't believe jb hyung is a furry

 

 **daddy long legs:** i'm not even surprised tbh

 

 **frapfrap:** how did he even land that job???

 

 **frapfrap:** didn't they fire him from doing anymore mall shoots after the whole santa fiasco during xmas?

 

 **markeu:** jinyoungie somehow managed to make it so that fisaco never actually happened

 

 **wangster:** not surprised considering jinyoung was the CAUSE of that fiasco 

 

 **sunshine:** why must you remind me of jinyoung hyung's santa kink

 

 **sunshine:** i still have nightmares

 

 **markeu:** i told u it would be a bad idea to volunteer as an elf that year youngjae

 

 **sunshine:** :(

 

 **daddy long legs:** lmao u guys

 

 **daddy long legs:** if jinyoung hyung does jb hyung while he's still in the bunny suit doesn't that make him a furry???

 

 **wangster:** ho ly  fu ck 

 

 **frapfrap:** i love furry boyfriends jjproject

 

 **salty mom:** i'm going to murder you all

 

 **wangster:** i'M OUT

 

 **sunshine:** TWO OUT

 

 **daddy long legs:** THREE OUT

 

 **frapfrap:** FOUR OUT

 

 **markeu:** FIVE OUT

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **beombun:** guys

 

 **beombun:** what's a furry?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you guys catch the lieV ??? ; ^ ; it was so soft and cute lmao i'm sad jackson couldn't be there but hopefully he'll get better soon ; ;
> 
> also thank you all for the lovely comments and kudos and whatnot it makes me very happy !!


	5. a bunch of fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yugyeom ah, I love you I truly do, but that is the dumbest idea ever."

**chat: maknae line on top**

 

 **snakes on a plane:** i am this close to mcfucking losing it people

 

 **snakes on a plane:** if one more customer comes up in this bitch and says

 

 **snakes on a plane:** "that's not how nikkietutorials does it" when i show them how to apply highlighter

 

 **snakes on a plane** i am going to break my own legs

 

 **coconut head:** that sounds a little extreme doesn't it??

 

 **snakes on a plane:** babe u know i am dramaramatic af

 

 **coconut head:** speaking of drama

 

 **coconut head:** some lady almost fought jb hyung over the last pink drink earlier today 

 

 **coconut head:** i almost had to call security before hyung bolted outta the store

 

 **otter boy:** ah you saw hyung???

 

 **coconut head:** for like a minute ya

 

 **otter boy:** ah,,,,,,

 

 **otter boy:** did uh,,,,,, jb hyung seem,,,,, different to you?

 

 **coconut head:** no????

 

 **coconut head:** i mean he seemed a little giddy but i assumed it was because of the strawberry

 

 **otter boy:** nnghhh

 

 **snakes on a plane:** is there something ur not telling us???

 

 **otter boy:** ack

 

 **otter boy:** okay

 

 **otter boy:** well

 

 **otter boy:** jaebum came by the store today

 

 **otter boy:** but it wasn't to see me,,,,,,,

 

 **coconut head:**???

 

 **snakes on a plane:** lmao what do u mean he didn't go to see you????

 

 **snakes on a plane:** why else would he even go over there???

 

 **otter boy:** i think to see jihyo,,,,,,,,,

 

 **snakes on a plane:** what

 

 **coconut head:** what

 

 **otter boy:** I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE THO!!!!

 

 **otter boy:** i only caught him saying bye to sungjae hyung and well,,,,,

 

 **otter boy:** he said he'd only stopped by to see "his girl"

 

 **otter boy:** and i ran into jihyo right afterwards and she seemed so happy and blushy

 

 **otter boy:** i know she's had a crush on him before but,,,,,,,,,

 

 **otter boy:** maybe i'm just misunderstanding things?????

 

 **otter boy:** i mean hyung wouldn't do that right??????

 

 **otter boy:** RIGHT?????????????????

 

 **snakes on a plane:** yeah you have to just be imagining things

 

 **snakes on a plane:** i mean there's no way he'd cheat on jinyoung hyung he's not that stupid

 

 **snakes on a plane:** not to mention he's gay as fuck?????

 

 **coconut head:** not entirely gay

 

 **snakes on a plane:**???

 

 **coconut head:** you forget jaebum hyung is a certified bisexual 

 

 **snakes on a plane:** fuck

 

 **snakes on a plane:** he's been with jinyoung hyung for so long i completely forgot

 

 **otter boy:** you guys ;;;;;;;;;;;;

 

 **otter boy:** what do i do?????

 

 **otter boy:** should i tell mark hyung and jackson hyung?????

 

 **snakes on a plane:** no way

 

 **snakes on a plane:** jackson hyung would tell jinyoung hyung in a heartbeat 

 

 **snakes on a plane:** u know

 

 **snakes on a plane:** wang gae park gae forever and all that

 

 **otter boy:** right...

 

 **otter boy:** what about just mark hyung?

 

 **snakes on a plane:** nah mark hyung a shady bitch

 

 **snakes on a plane:** u know he secretly lives for the drama

 

 **otter boy:** then what do i do!!! :(((((

 

 **coconut head:** maybe we should just ask hyung?

 

 **coconut head:** you know talk to him like normal adults??

 

 **coconut head:** i mean we might be jumping to conclusions...

 

 **snakes on a plane:** gyeom ah i love you truly i do

 

 **snakes on a plane:** but that's the dumbest idea ever

 

 **otter boy:** idk bam it sounds like the right thing to do to me...

 

 **snakes on a plane:** aRE YOU GUYS NUTS???

 

 **snakes on a plane:** we can't just go up to him and be like "hyung are you fucking cheating??"

 

 **snakes on a plane:** we need evidence to either prove he is or isn't innocent

 

 **snakes on a plane:** otherwise we'll get

 

 **snakes on a plane:** the chin™

 

 **coconut head:** shit you right

 

 **otter boy:** i don't like the chin™  :(

 

 **snakes on a plane:** so we're all in agreement on putting plan o into action

 

 **snakes on a plane:** let's meet up after our shifts are done

 

 **otter boy:** wait 

 

 **otter boy:** plan o??? 

 

 **otter boy:** shouldn't it be called plan j or something???/

 

 **snakes on a plane:** jinyoung hyung dies in plan j so.......

 

 **coconut head:** i like plan j

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three things.  
> one, bam doesn't have to go do military service i'm so!!!! two, bonus points to whoever figures out who jaebum's "girl" is. and three, thank you all for the wonderful kudos/comments/bookmarks/etc. they mean a lot ; v ;


	6. foolish hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "B-But if Jinyoung hyung finds out... it'll be over for all us bitches."
> 
> "Did you just say 'bitch'?"

**chat: maknae line on top**

 

 **coco's mom:** guys idk how much longer we can keep this up

 

 **coco's mom:** it's been a week and we've accomplished nothing 

 

 **pudding's mom:** that's not true

 

 **pudding's mom:** we managed to make jb hyung flood the bathroom stall in macy's

 

 **jinyoung is my mom** : yeah i still don't understand how that was supposed to help us 

 

 **pudding's mom:** it wasn't

 

 **pudding's mom:** i just thought it would be funny to put laxatives in his food

 

 **coco's mom:** sigh

 

 **coco's mom:** maybe we should just give up????

 

 **coco's mom:** i mean we've been tailing hyung day and night

 

 **coco's mom:** and aside from watching him and jinyoung hyung buy lingerie in victoria's secret

 

 **coco's mom:** he's done nothing questionable???? 

 

 **pudding's mom:** he's either really good at hiding a secret double life

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** or he's completely innocent

 

 **coco's mom:** i'm starting to think i took this whole situation outta proportion 

 

 **coco's mom:** :(((

 

 **pudding's mom:** jae none of this is your fault so don't be sad

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** bam's right 

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** you can't blame yourself for anything

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** i mean it's not like we've outright cornered hyung and pointed fingers at him

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** we've just been keeping an eye on him...

 

 **coco's mom:** still we shouldn't have suspected him in the first place........

 

 **coco's mom:** i should've never said anything i feel so horrible

 

 **pudding's mom:** look we still have one plan we haven't tried

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** gasp

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** you're not talking about _that_ right?

 

 **pudding's mom:** i am

 

 **coco's mom:** b-but if jinyoung finds out....

 

 **coco's mom:** it'll be over for all us bitches

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** did u just say bitch????

 

 **pudding's mom:** LOOK GUYS I KNOW IT'S RISKY....

 

 **pudding's mom:** but this is our only shot at finding out the truth

 

 **coco's mom:** idk bammie.....

 

 **pudding's mom:** look if all else fails we'll come clean to both jb and jinyoung hyung 

 

 **pudding's mom:** and if it looks like either of the are going to kill us

 

 **pudding's mom:** all we have to do is get youngjae hyung to start crying and they'll take pity on us

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** they are weak to youngjae's tears......

 

 **coco's mom:** i have a bad feeling about this guys

 

 **pudding's mom:** bite the pillow boys because we're going in dry

 

 **jinyoung is my mom:** please don't ever say that sentence ever again in your life

 

***

**chat: tired parents of five**

 

 **jaedaddy:** hey

 

 **jaedaddy:** nyoungie?

 

 **baby jin:** hm?

 

 **jaedaddy:** have the maknae's seemed a little weird to you lately?

 

 **baby jin:** they're always weird hyung 

 

 **baby jin:** you're going to have to be more specific 

 

 **jaedaddy:** idk how to explain it...

 

 **jaedaddy:** i feel like they've been watching me lately??

 

 **jaedaddy:** but also avoiding me at the same time???

 

 **jaedaddy:** do you think i did something to make them mad???

 

 **baby jin:** oh hyung...

 

 **baby jin:** they're probably just up to no good

 

 **baby jin:** you know how they are

 

 **baby jin:** i highly doubt you've done anything to offend them

 

 **baby jin:** i'll talk to them tomorrow okay?

 

 **jaedaddy:** okay...

 

 **baby jin:** now onto more important matters

 

 **jaedaddy:**???

 

 **baby jin:** we didn't buy these lace panties just for decoration hyung

 

 **jaedaddy:** i'm omw

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the extremely small and late update but i've been working on something else aside from this and that's sadly taken all of my writer's juice lmao and also my stress levels have been so high bc got7 tickets go on sale this weekend and ya girl is doing everything she can to get said tickets so please wish me luck !!
> 
> once again thank you all for the kudos/comments/etc., they truly make my day a little brighter. ; _ ;


	7. a big miss steak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm afraid to ask what exactly it is you guys did."
> 
> "We got Suji noona from the Forever21 to flirt with Jaebum hyung."

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **disappointed mom:** i can't fucking believe you guys

 

 **disappointed mom:** this has to be the dumbest thing you guys have ever done

 

 **sseunie** : what's going on???

 

 **disappointed mom:** ask the maknaes  >:(

 

 **sseunie:** guys????

 

 **sseunie:** i'm only on a fifteen make this quick

 

 **sadshine:**  :(

 

 **sadshine** : hyungs we're really really really sorry

 

 **disowned son #1:** extremely sorry

 

 **disowned son #2:** like super mega extremely sorry

 

 **disappointed mom:**  >:(

 

 **smad dad:** jinyoung calm down

 

 **smad dad:** i'm sure they have a reasonable explanation for this

 

 **smad dad:** right???

 

 **disowned son #1:**  well...

 

 **disowned son #2:**  uh,,,,,

 

 **smad dad:** guys...

 

 **sadshine:** wE THOUGHT JB HYUNG WAS CHEATING JINYOUNG HYUNG

 

 **disowned son #1:** j A E

 

 **sadshine:** sorry,,,,,, i cracked,,,,

 

 **smad dad:** u guys thought i was cheating????

 

 **markus:** you guys thought jaebum was cheating???

 

 **sseunie:** mark hyung where tf did u come from

 

 **markus:**  i sensed tension and came running

 

 **disowned son #2:**  not helping hyung

 

 **smad dad:** seriously tho?

 

 **smad dad:** is that why you guys have been so weird all week?

 

 **smad dad:**  how could you guys even think that?????

 

 **sadshine:** i'm sosososososososo sorry hyung

 

 **sadshine:** i saw you and jihyo at my work one day and and and

 

 **sadshine:** it just got blow all out proportion 

 

 **smad dad:** why didn't you just ask me about it jae?

 

 **sadshine:** I WANTED TO BUT,,,,,,,

 

 **disappointed mom:** let me guess bambam talked you out of it

 

 **sadshine:** :(

 

 **disappointed mom:** i knew it

 

 **disowned son #1:** hey!

 

 **sseunie:** i'm afraid to ask what exactly you guys did

 

 **sadshine:**..........

 

 **disowned son #1:** we got suji noona from forever21 to go and flirt with hyung 

 

 **sseunie:** a RE YOU N UT S?????

 

 **markus:** how the hell did you guys get suji in on this?

 

 **disowned son #1:** i promised i'd use my discount to buy her that palette she wanted

 

 **disowned son #2:** and i promised her free macciahto's for a week

 

 **sadshine:** and i promised free grooming for her dog for about a month

 

 **sadshine:** but after what jinyoung hyung did to her it might not be enough anymore...

 

 **sseunie:**  JINYOUNGIE

 

 **sseunie:**  WHAT DID YOU DO TO SUJI???????

 

 **disappointed mom:**  nothing...

 

 **sadshine:** hyung,,,,,

 

 **disowned son #1:**  you pulled out so much of her hair she almost could've had a bald spot

 

 **disappointed mom:**  hER HAIR WILL GROW BACK OKAY

 

 **markus:** holy fuck jinyoung

 

 **smad dad:** ngl seeing jinyoung so mad was kinda a turn on but that's not what we're here to discuss rn

 

 **disowned son #1:** okay first of all... ewww

 

 **disowned son #2:** shut up bam this is all your fault 

 

 **disowned son #1:** W H AT

 

 **disowned son #1:** HOW IS THIS MY FAULT???????

 

 **disowned son #2:**  IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO BRING IN SUJI NOONA INTO THIS

 

 **disowned son #1:**  HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW JINYOUNG WOULD GO STRAIGHT FOR NOONA'S SCALP???

 

 **disowned son #2:**  NOONA'S BEEN LOW KEY AFTER JB HYUNG FOR YEARS

 

 **disowned son #2:** DID YOU HONESTLY THINK JINYOUNG HYUNG WOULD LET HER GO SO EASILY?

 

 **disowned son #2:**  JINYOUNG HYUNG'S STILL PETTY OVER YOU AND JACKSON HYUNG AND THE MEAT THING AND IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS

 

 **disowned son #2:** T H R E E Y E A R S 

 

 **sseunie:**  jinyoungie is very petty

 

 **markus:**  agreed

 

 **smad dad:** lol yeah

 

 **disowned son #1:**  YEAH WELL,,,,,

 

 **disowned son #1:**  JAE'S THE ONE WHO THOUGHT JB HYUNG WAS CHEATING IN THE FIRST PLACE

 

 **sadshine:**  HEY

 

 **sadshine:**  I WANTED TO TALK TO HYUNG IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT YOU TOLD ME NOT TO

 

 **disowned son #2:**  I ALSO SAID WE SHOULD'VE TALKED TO HYUNG AS WELL

 

 **disappointed mom:** E N O U G H

 

 **disappointed mom:** OF ALL YOU

 

 **disappointed mom:** JUST SHUT UP

 

 **disowned son #1:** ...

 

 **sadshine:** ...

 

 **disowned son #2** : ...

 

 **disappointed mom:** good.

 

 **disappointed mom:** now youngjae

 

 **disappointed mom:** please explain what exactly you thought was going on

 

 **sadshine:** okay,,,,

 

 **sadshine:** basically i saw jb hyung in the store talking about seeing "his girl"

 

 **sadshine:**  and about a minute later i ran into jihyo who was all giggly and blushy

 

 **sadshine:**  and i knew she kinda had a thing for him after meeting him last year at the xmas party....

 

 **sadshine:** i'm so sorry hyung my mind was running wild and i just pa n ick e d 

 

 **smad dad:** oh jae...

 

 **smad dad:** i wasn't talking about jihyo

 

 **smad dad:** i was talking about nora

 

 **sadshine:** w h a  t

 

 **disowned son #2:** when you say nora

 

 **disowned son #2:** do you mean your cat????????

 

 **smad dad:** ye

 

 **disowned son #1:** t HE  ENTIRE TI ME

 

 **disowned son #1:** THIS WAS A BOUT YOUR C A T ??????

 

 **smad dad:** yeah?

 

 **smad dad:** youngjae don't you remember?

 

 **smad dad:** you gave me coupons for the grooming salon a couple of weeks ago after i complained about how nora's fur was looking a little shabby

 

 **smad dad:** i ran into jihyo because she's on the grooming team 

 

 **smad dad:** that's why i was talking to her

 

 **smad dad:** i wanted to make sure nora was in good hands

 

 **sadshine:** i,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 **markus:** lmao how anticlimactic 

 

 **sseunie:** i can't believe suji lost roots for this

 

 **disowned son #1:** s h UT I T

 

 **disappointed mom:**  don't you start again

 

 **disowned son #1:**...

 

 **markus:** lmao

 

 **markus:** anyway thx for killing 12 minutes guys but i g2g

 

 **sseunie:** same

 

 **sseunie:** have fun getting ur ass kicked bam

 

 **disowned son #1:** i hate this family

 

 **smad dad:** bam ah i promise i'm not upset with you guys

 

 **disowned son #1:**...really?

 

 **smad dad:** well i was a little sad and mad earlier hence the smad but

 

 **smad dad:** i know you didn't really mean to hurt anyone

 

 **smad dad:** you guys just wanted the truth right?

 

 **sadshine:** still hyung we could've handled this a lot better

 

 **disowned son #2:** and mature-er

 

 **smad dad:** i know

 

 **smad dad:** but i'm not mad i promise

 

 **sadshine:** ; _____ ;

 

 **disowned son #1:** hyung!!!!!

 

 **disowned son #2:** <3333333

 

 **disappointed mom:** don't celebrate just yet

 

 **disappointed mom:** you fucks still have a lot of damage to fix

 

 **disappointed mom:** so don't think i'm going to forgive you all so easily like hyung did

 

 **disappointed mom:** especially you bam

 

 **disappointed mom:** you and i are going to have a loooooong talk when i get a hold of you

 

 **disowned son #1:** fuck

 

***

**chat: tired parents of ~~five~~ three**

 

 **beombeom:** babe

 

 **beombeom:** don't be too harsh on them

 

 **beombeom:** they're just dumb kids

 

 **nyoungie:** huffs

 

 **nyoungie:** i'm not going to do anything to them

 

 **nyoungie:** but they will be buying our lunch for the next two months that's for sure

 

 **beombeom:** haha

 

 **beombeom:** ah but nyoungie...

 

 **nyoungie:** hm?

 

 **beombeom:** you know i wouldn't do that right?

 

 **beombeom:** like ever

 

 **beombeom:** i love you

 

 **beombeom:** like a lot

 

 **beombeom:** and i never wanna lose you

 

 **nyoungie:** hyung

 

 **nyoungie:** i've been in love with you since you had that awful bleached blond hair with colored streaks

 

 **nyoungie:** you were the living personification of "rawr means ily in dinosaur XD"

 

 **nyoungie:** trust me when i say you could never lose me

 

 **nyoungie:** because i will never let you go

 

 **beombeom:** hey you said you liked my pink streaks...

 

 **nyoungie:** hyung i was trying to suck your dick

 

 **nyoungie:** i would've said anything 

 

 **beombeom:** speaking of sucking dick

 

 **beombeom:** i know the whole suji thing upset you so

 

 **beombeom:** let me make it up to you?

 

 **nyoungie:** hyung!!!

 

 **nyoungie:**...

 

 **nyoungie:** meet you out in the car in about ten? 

 

 **beombeom:** we really need to talk about your public sex kink someday...

 

 **beombeom:** but today is not the day i'll see you there  <333

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to everyone who figured out the obvious "my girl" being nora lmao. also i really want to write a sub story to this about how jinyoung and jb met but idk if you guys would be interested in that?? lol let me know in a comment or something.


	8. literal tears down my face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "After you almost snatched Suji bald? I think the fuck not."

**chat: jACKBAM FOREVER**

 

 **bam and glam:** i don't mean to be gross but

 

 **bam and glam:** hyunwoo hyung is a whole man

 

 **bam and glam:** i love him

 

 **bam and glam:** and i want him to body slam me into the ground

 

 **jack of all trades:** oh same

 

 **jack of all trades:** but what brought this on?

 

 **bam and glam:**  kihyun hyung accidentally put his work shirt in the dryer

 

 **bam and glam:** so it was extremely tight on him

 

 **bam and glam:** EXTREMELY TIGHT

 

 **bam and glam:** and when he bent over to pick up something

 

 **bam and glam:** THE ENTIRE BACK OF HIS SHIRT SPLIT IN HALF

 

 **bam and glam:** HIS BACK MUSCLES WERE OUT AND EVERYTHING

 

 **bam and glam:** IT WAS BEAUTIFUL JACKS

 

 **bam and glam:** I BUSTED THE BIGGEST NUT

 

 **jack of all trades:** WHY DID YOU NOT CALL ME

 

 **jack of all trades:** YOU KNOW HYUNG'S BACK MUSCLES ARE A THING OF BEAUTY

 

 **jack of all trades:** I WOULD'VE FUCKING SPRINTED TO YOUR SIDE OF THE STORE

 

 **bam and glam:** DON'T WORRY I TOOK PICS

 

 **bam and glam:** AND HIMCHAN HYUNG GOT THE WHOLE THING ON VIDEO

 

 **bam and glam:** SENDING THEM TO YOU RIGH T NOW

 

 **jack of all trades:** boy howdy do i love my job

 

***

**chat: vanilla on the outside, kinky on the inside**

 

 **mr. tuan:** i need a new job

 

 **mr. tuan:** i'm seriously so done with this

 

 **mr. park:** hyung you work at panda express

 

 **mr. park:** how bad can it be

 

 **mr. tuan:** someone literally jumped over the counter and stole all the orange chicken

 

 **mr. tuan:** and then another person asked if our fried rice had actual rice in it

 

 **mr. tuan:** i'm just so

 

 **mr. tuan:** tired

 

 **mr. park:** hmm

 

 **mr. park:** i think i heard build a bear was hiring

 

 **mr. tuan:** as much as i like kids aka my nieces

 

 **mr. tuan:** i don't think so

 

 **mr. tuan:** the maknae's screaming is enough on the daily thanks

 

 **mr. park:** true

 

 **mr. park:** what about hollister?

 

 **mr. park:** i mean you are a cali boy my dude

 

 **mr. tuan:** don't ever say that again please

 

 **mr. tuan:** and honestly that place is so dark inside i'd probably fall asleep during each shift

 

 **mr. tuan:** so maybe not

 

 **mr. park:** hmm

 

 **mr. park:** forever21?

 

 **mr. tuan:** after you almost snatched suji bald?

 

 **mr. tuan:** i think the fuck not

 

 **mr. park:** bAM GOT HER SOME REALLY NICE EXTENSIONS OKAY

 

 **mr. park:** SHE'S FINE

 

 **mr. park:**  LET IT GO

 

 **mr. tuan:** whatever

 

 **mr. tuan:** should i try lush maybe?

 

 **mr. park:** no way

 

 **mr. park:** sunye noona's still manager over there

 

 **mr. park:** and she's still bitter about jaebum accidentally flooding the store back when he worked there

 

 **mr. tuan:** oh god i forgot about that

 

 **mr. tuan:** the entire east end of the mall smelled of bath bombs for like a month

 

 **mr. tuan:** lmao good times

 

 **mr. park:** ah i just remembered

 

 **mr. park:** i have an old coworker who's now a manager over at the apple store

 

 **mr. park:** and i think they're looking for part timers

 

 **mr. park:** maybe i can put a good word for you?

 

 **mr. tuan:** p l ea se

 

 **mr. tuan:** anything is better than the food court at this point

 

 **mr. park:** i'll text him later

 

 **mr. park:** but the maknae's are going to be sad they're not gonna get anymore food freebies

 

 **mr. tuan:** they'll live

 

***

**chat: if you're jae and i'm jae then who's flying the plane?!**

 

 **big jae** : jae i need your help

 

 **smol jae:** ???

 

 **smol jae:** what's up hyung

 

 **big jae:** well...

 

 **big jae:** my anniversary with jinyoung is in a couple of weeks and i need help picking out a gift

 

 **smol jae:** hyung i really don't want to go shopping for kinky stuff with you again

 

 **smol jae:** i'm still scarred from last year

 

 **big jae:** tHAT WAS ONE TIME

 

 **big jae:** and you owe me so...

 

 **smol jae:** UGH

 

 **smol jae:** fine hyung

 

 **smol jae:** what did you have in mind?

 

 **big jae:** well...

 

 **bi** **g jae:** you're still good friends with jungyeon and sana right??

 

 **smol jae:** the girls from the fancy jewelry place???

 

 **smol jae:** yeah we have another class together this year so i see them a lot

 

 **smol jae:** but what does that have to do with

 

 **smol jae:** wait hyung,,,,,,,

 

 **smol jae:** are you going to get jinyoungie hyung a ring?????

 

 **smol jae:** aRE YOU GOING TO PROPOSE??????

 

 **big jae:** n O

 

 **big jae:** well not exactly,,,,,,,,

 

 **big jae:** it's more of a promise rather than an actual proposal

 

 **big jae:** we're still pretty young you know

 

 **smol jae:** hyung,,,,,,

 

 **big jae:** but

 

 **big jae:** we've just been together for a long time now 

 

 **big jae:** and honestly there's never going to be anyone else so

 

 **big jae:** i just felt it was time to y'know show him i'm in it for the long run

 

 **smol jae:** hyung i'm going to c r y

 

 **smol jae:** i'LL HELP YOU

 

 **smol jae:** I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES

 

 **smol jae:** FOR YOU AND JINYOUNGIE HYUNG

 

 **smol jae:** AND YOUR ETERNAL HAPPINESS

 

 **big jae:** thanks youngjae

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	9. if you're out there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I owe you one."
> 
> "Just make me your best man at the wedding and we'll call it even."

**chat: maknae line on top**

 

 **bootylicious:**  guys help

 

 **bootylicious:**  what are y'all getting jinyoung hyung for mother's day

 

 **coco puffs:**  i made him a nice little scrap book full of nice pictures of us from last summer's trip

 

 **coco puffs:** oh and probably a nice spa basket filled with bath bombs or something

 

 **bootylicious:** oohh nice

 

 **bootylicious:**  i'm thinking about getting him a nice card and probably that new book he's been wanting

 

 **coco puffs:** oohhhh 

 

 **coco puffs:** he'll like that i'm sure

 

 **bootylicious:**  haha hope so

 

 **bootylicious:**  yugs? 

 

 **brownie:** hm?

 

 **coco puffs:** what are you getting jinyoungie hyung?

 

 **brownie:** my silence

 

***

 

**chat: vanilla on the outside, kinky on the inside**

 

 **parkpark:** for the last time hyung

 

 **parkpark:** i am not getting jaebum hyung a rhinestone cock ring for our anniversary 

 

 **markmark:** :(

 

***

**chat: if you're jae and i'm jae then who's flying the plane?!**

**tweedlebum:** do you really think he's gonna like this one jae?

 

 **tweedlejae:** hyung

 

 **tweedlejae:** please stop second guessing yourself

 

 **tweedlejae:** you could give jinyoung hyung a ring pop and he'd still be the happiest person on this planet

 

 **tweedlejae:** because YOU gave it to him

 

 **tweedlejae:** he loves you to the moon and back hyung

 

 **tweedlebum:** i know

 

 **tweedlebum:** i'm just nervous

 

 **tweedlebum:** it's a big step

 

 **tweedlebum:** but i'm ready

 

 **tweedlebum** : i just hope he is too

 

 **tweedlejae:** hyung pls

 

 **tweedlejae:** you guys practically invented love

 

 **tweedlejae:** everything will be fine

 

 **tweedlebum:** lol

 

 **tweedlebum:** i owe you one jae

 

 **tweedlejae:** just make me your best man at your wedding and we'll call it even

 

***

**chat: jACKBAM FOREVER**

 

 **i am four eels:** not gonna lie

 

 **i am four eels:** i miss them

 

 **i am four eels:** i miss their voices

 

 **i am four eels:** i miss their shows

 

 **i am four eels:** i miss them together...

 

 **i am four eels:** i miss my boys

 

 **skinny bitch:** big time rush...

 

 **skinny bitch:** if you're out there...

 

 **skinny bitch:** we miss y'alls sweet ass

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small filler chapter because i'm promising myself that i will finish the [jjp side story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14459424/chapters/33403539) to this au first before we get to the somewhat jjp proposal in the main story aldjf;aldfj because i can.
> 
> (we'll see if i keep that promise lmao)
> 
> again thank you all for the wonderful comments/kudos/whatnot~ i try to reply to everyone but i tend to get distracted and forget so ;alsdkjf;a whoops. anyway see you guys next time


	10. before you say i do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's it going to be like when he proposes for real?"
> 
> "I will cry. For a week straight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's like a slight two second d*ddy kink at the end lmao

**chat: the one without the parents**

 

 **sun's out guns out:** I SAW THE RING YOU GUYS

 

 **sun's out guns out:** I'M STILL CRYING

 

 **legs for days:** wait wait 

 

 **legs for days:** how did you see the ring

 

 **youngshine:** jinyoung hyung hasn't even seen the ring yet!!!!

 

 **sun's out guns out:** jaebum hyung asked me if i could take it in to get in engraved

 

 **sun's out guns out:** eN G RA VED BITCHES

 

 **legs for days:** that is so fucking cute wtf

 

 **choco boy:** i can't believe our parents are finally getting engaged :'))))

 

 **choco boy:** this is the best day of my life

 

 **legs for days:** i'm surprised hyung waited this long to propose

 

 **youngshine:** he said it's not a real proposal but rather a promise thing for the future

 

 **sun's out guns out:** shit that makes things 10x cuter

 

 **choco boy:** i'm dying squirtle

 

 **legs for days:** god if we're freaking out now over a damn promise 

 

 **legs for days:** what's it gonna be like when he proposes for real

 

 **sun's out guns out:** i will cry

 

 **sun's out guns out:** for probably a week straight

 

 **youngshine:** same

 

 **choco boy:** same

 

 **pencil neck:** you guys are cute lmao

 

 **sun's out guns out:** maaaaaaaark 

 

 **sun's out guns out:** :(((((

 

 **sun's out guns out:** you can't tell me that all this shit jb hyung has us doing for tonight isn't romantic af

 

 **pencil neck:** yes yes it's very romantic

 

 **pencil neck:** but very stressful

 

 **youngshine:** don't worry hyung!!!

 

 **youngshine:** we've all promised to do our best in order to make sure everything goes swell tonight

 

 **pencil neck:**  so thenwe're all good on the plan for tonight right?

 

 **legs for days:** yaaaaaaaaaas bitch

 

 **legs for days:** gyeom and i just finished the decorations

 

 **sun's out guns out:** i booked the mariachi band for the after party

 

 **youngshine:** and i managed to borrow my hyung's video camera so i can capture the whole thing

 

 **pencil neck:** good good

 

 **pencil neck:** jaebum wants this to be as perfect as it can so

 

 **pencil neck:** no mistakes guys

 

 **choco boy:** no promises

 

***

**chat: tired parents of five**

 

 **peach:** happy anniversary hyung!!!

 

 **peach:** we're still on for tonight, right?

 

 **strawbeomie:** happy anniversary baby

 

 **strawbeomie:** and yes i'll see you at six

 

 **strawbeomie:** sorry we can't spend the whole day together tho...

 

 **peach:** it's okay hyung!!

 

 **peach:** mark hyung wanted some help finding a gift for his anniversary with jackson next month

 

 **peach:** so we'll be out shopping for most of the day

 

 **strawbeomie:** ah okay good

 

 **strawbeomie:** have fun and make sure mark buys you something delicious to eat

 

 **strawbeomie:** but make sure you save room for dessert later

 

 **strawbeomie:** ;)

 

 **peach:** hyung please

 

 **peach:** just make sure YOU have enough energy for later

 

 **peach:** don't want you falling asleep while i give you your present

 

 **strawbeomie:** oh?

 

 **peach:** i'm going to ride you all night long 

 

 **peach:** daddy ♥

 

 **strawbeomie:** ...

 

 **strawbeomie:** i'm already hard fuck

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's coming.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pechebeom) // [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/oathskeeper)


	11. now and forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wait... why is Jinyoung hyung getting on his knees?"
> 
> "Oh god."
> 
> "He's not really going do that here, right?"

**chat: the one without the parents**

 

 **mork:** uh houston

 

 **mork:** we have a problem

 

 **wang-san:** how big of a problem

 

 **wang-san:** like we're out of ice cream type problem

 

 **wang-san:** or like yugyeom fell down a well again?

 

 **mork:** like gyeom fell down a well x10

 

 **dancing queen** : hyung

 

 **dancing queen:** what the fuck did you do

 

 **mork:** well...

 

 **stressed shine:** COCO AT E TH E R INGS

 

 **mork:** thanks jae

 

 **stressed shine:** i'M SORRY I'M PANICKING

 

 **wang-san:** WHAT 

**wang-san:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN COCO ATE THE RINGS???

 

 **stressed shine:** I MEAN THAT HYUNG AND I ARE THE VET RIGHT NOW

 

 **dancing queen:** how did this happen????

 

 **dancing queen:** i thought jackson hyung was in charge of the rings???

 

 **wang-san:** dON'T TRY TO BLAME THIS ON ME

 

 **mork:** it's not jacks fault

 

 **stressed shine:** hyung i'm so sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 

 **stressed shine:** i picked up the rings like you asked

 

 **stressed shine:** and then i went home to get ready and everything

 

 **stressed shine:** i don't know how but coco somehow just got into the box

 

 **stressed shine:** and here we are...

 

 **dancing queen:** well we're fucked

 

 **wang-san:** oh m y g od

 

 **wang-san:** wait wait wait

 

 **wang-san:** mark aren't you supposed to be with jinyoung???

 

 **mork:** relax jinyoung's with bam right now

 

 **mork:** i texted him earlier and had him convince jinyoung to let him do his makeup for tonight

 

 **mork:** figured it buy us a little time

 

 **dancing queen:** have you told jb hyung????

 

 **mork:** fuck no

 

 **mork:** we're trying to see if we can actually get the rings back in one piece first

 

 **wang-san:** no offense to coco but

 

 **wang-san:** i don't think hyung would even want those rings anymore after what they've been through

 

 **dancing machine:** can't we just get new rings for them???

 

 **dancing machine:** hyung doesn't have to know they're not the originals

 

 **stressed shine:**  the rings were cUSTOM MADE GYEOM

 

 **stressed shine:**  i don't even know how much hyung spent on them

 

 **wang-san:** not to mention they were engraved????

 

 **wang-san:** those places cost you like twenty bucks a letter

 

 **dancing machine:** hyung is going to skin us alive

 

 **stressed shine:** :(((((((((((((((((

 

 **mork:** stop that

 

 **mork:** we just have to wait a little while longer to see if the vet can do anything

 

 **wang-san:** hyung we don't have that kind of time!!!

 

 **wang-san:** we have to tell jaebum hyung

 

 **dancing machine:** or you know we could move to mexico where he'll never find us again

 

 **stressed shine:** i like yugyeom's plan

 

 **wang-san:** no!!!

 

 **mork:** look jacks just try to get bam to stall as long as he can

 

 **mork:** jae and i will handle jaebum

 

 **wang-san:** huffs

 

 **wang-san:** fine

 

 **wang-san:** but i'm giving you two hours

 

 **wang-san:** if there's no good news by then you're telling hyung

 

 **mork:** that's fair

 

 **dancing machine:** meanwhile i'll start packing our bags for mexico

 

***

**chat: jACKBAM FOREVER AND ALWAYS**

 

 **thunder thighs:** bam please tell me you're still with jinyoung

 

 **glitter boots:** yeah

 

 **thunder thighs:** good

 

 **glitter boots:** hyung what's going on????

 

 **glitter boots:** mark hyung didn't go into details when he told me to keep jinyoung hyung busy for awhile

 

 **glitter boots:** and i haven't had time to check the group chat

 

 **thunder thighs:** it's a long story bam

 

 **thunder thighs:** basically coco ate the rings and we're pressed for time trying to fix this mess

 

 **glitter boots:** WHAT

 

 **glitter boots:** DID YOU GUYS TELL JAEBUM HYUNG???

 

 **thunder thighs:** nOT YET

 

 **thunder thighs:** mark's trying to see if they can do anything first

 

 **glitter boots:** we are so fucking screwed good lord

 

 **thunder thighs:** i know

 

 **thunder thighs:** but i really need you to stall jinyoung as long as you can bam

 

 **glitter boots:** how???

 

 **glitter boots:** hyunwoo hyung's almost done with his part

 

 **thunder thighs:** fuck

 

 **thunder thighs:** i don't know????

 

 **thunder thighs:** see if you can convince him to let you dress him for tonight

 

 **glitter boots:** in what universe would jinyoung hyung ever let me dress him????

 

 **thunder thighs:** HOPEFULLY THIS ONE BECAUSE WE NEED TO STALL

 

 **glitter boots:** FUCK FINE

 

 **glitter boots:** BUT YOU GUYS OWE ME BIG

 

***

**chat: the one without the parents**

 

 **mork:** well we got some good news

 

 **mork:** and some bad news

 

 **dancing queen:** what's the good news

 

 **still stressed:** coco's gonna be okay!!!!

 

 **wang-san:** what's the bad news

 

 **mork:** there's no way in hell jaebum will ever be able to give these rings to jinyoung

 

 **wang-san:** fuck

 

 **dancing queen:** well it was nice knowing you boys

 

 **wang-san:** what are you gonna tell him?

 

 **mork:** the truth?

 

 **mork:** i mean there's no point in beating around the bush

 

 **still stressed:** hyung...

 

 **still stressed:** let me do it

 

 **still stressed:** i mean this is my fault :(

 

 **mork:** jae this is not your fault

 

 **mork:** it was an accident

 

 **wang-san:** yeah youngjae don't beat yourself up

 

 **wang-san:** i should've picked up the rings like i told hyung i would

 

 **still stressed:** :((

**dancing queen:** bam just messaged me

 

 **dancing queen:** jinyoung hyung just left to go meet up with jaebum hyung

 

 **dancing queen:** you have about twenty minutes to tell hyung everything

 

 **still stressed:** fuck

 

 **wang-san:** i believe in you youngjae

 

 **still stressed:** i hate this

 

 **still stressed:** but i gotta

 

 **still stressed:** wish me luck guys

 

 **mork** : you can do it jae

 

 **wang-san:** good luck my otter son

 

 **dancing queen:** hyung fighting!!

 

 **mork:**...

 

 **mork:** so about that trip to mexico...

 

***

**chat: if you're jae and i'm jae then who's flying the plane?**

**otter jae:** hyung

 

 **beaver jae:** youngjae have you seen jackson????

 

 **beaver jae:** i've been trying to get hold of him for hours

 

 **beaver jae:** i'm meeting jinyoung in like fifteen minutes i need the rings

 

 **otter jae:** about that...

 

 **otter jae:** hyung i'm so sorry

 

 **beaver jae:**???

 

 **otter jae:** there was an accident

 

 **otter jae:** and well let's just say you can't use the rings anymore

 

 **beaver jae:** what are you talking about youngjae?

 

 **otter jae:** coco ate them hyung

 

 **otter jae:** we tried to get them back

 

 **otter jae:** but they're just not usable anymore

 

 **otter jae:** i'm so so sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 

 **beaver jae:** it's okay

 

 **otter jae:** hyung...

 

 **beaver jae:** really youngjae it's fine

 

 **beaver jae:** i know you and the other boys didn't mean for this to happen

 

 **beaver jae:** there's nothing you can do about it

 

 **otter jae:** but hyung your proposal...

 

 **beaver jae:** hey i can still propose 

 

 **beaver jae:** i'll just have to think of a new way to do it and i'll just get new rings later

 

 **otter jae:** hyung...

 

 **beaver jae:** really youngjae it's fine

 

 **beaver jae:** love's not about fancy materials and jinyoung knows this

 

 **beaver jae:** trust me i'll be okay

 

 **beaver jae:** tell the other boys not to worry about tonight

 

 **beaver jae:** i'll come up with something 

 

 **otter jae:** okay hyung...

 

 **otter jae:** good luck

 

 **beaver jae:** thanks ^^

 

***

**chat: the one without the parents**

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** holy fuck you guys

 

 **wang-san:** welcome back to hell bam

 

 **mork:** population: us

 

 **dancing queen** : did jinyoung hyung seem suspicious about anything?

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** not that i could tell but

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** he was surprisingly easy going about everything??

 

 **mork:** what do you mean

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** i mean like normally he fights me when i ask to dress him but this time he was pretty cool with it????

 

 **wang-san:** maybe he's trying to spice up the night

 

 **wang-san:** someone has to get laid tonight might as well be him

 

 **mork:** stop

 

 **slightly less stressed:** the deed has been done

 

 **dancing queen:** !!!!

 

 **mork:** how'd it go

 

 **slightly less stressed:** he took it well????

 

 **slightly less stressed:** he said he was gonna go through with the proposal even without the rings

 

 **slightly less stressed:** said that jinyoung hyung will feel his sincerity regardless

 

 **slightly less stressed:** oh and for us not to worry about tonight and he'll handle everything

 

 **wang-san:**  ugh i love sappy romantic defsoul

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** so does this mean the plan to stalk them tonight is on again?

 

 **dancing queen:** was it ever off?

 

 **wang-san:** well when there was the possibility of us dying it was

 

 **wang-san:** but now...

 

 **mork:** i'll get the car bitches

 

***

**chat: the one without the parents**

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes** : this has been the most basic date i have ever been on

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** seriously a dinner, movie, and now a walk in the park?

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** booooorrriiinnnggg

 

 **mork:** shut up bam and just let it go

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY COULDN'T WE HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE TOO?

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes** : jjp wouldn't have even noticed us!!!

 

 **wang-san:** bam just trust us on this

 

 **mork:** seriously just let it go

 

 **dancing queen:** guys shush

 

 **dancing queen:** i think we're getting to the climax of the night

 

 **wang-san** : hyung would propose to jinyoung in this quiet part of the park smh

 

 **mork:** shut up

 

 **mork:** you know jinyoung would never want a proposal in front of a crowd

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** which is why we're all currently hiding and stalking them behind shrubbery 

 

 **slightly less stressed:**!!!!!

 

 **slightly less stressed:** can you guys see anything????

 

 **dancing queen** : not from this angle

 

 **dancing queen:** bam and i are trying to find a better hiding spot

**wang-san:** shit this is hella romantic

 

 **wang-san:** the moonlight and everything

 

 **wang-san:** fuck i'm tearing up boys

 

 **mork:** quiet i think it's happening

 

 **dancing queen:** hyung looks so nervous!!!

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** fuck i can't hear anything he keeps mumbling

 

 **slightly less stressed:**!!!!!!!

 

 **slightly less stressed:** this is it friends!!!!

 

 **dancing queen:** wait why is jinyoung hyung getting on his knees

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** oh god

 

 **slightly less stressed:** he's not really going to do that here right...???

 

 **wang-san:** dammit park jinyoung

 

 **wang-san:** tHIS IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE TO SUCK YOUR BOYFRIENDS DICK

 

 **mork:** fuck youngjae close your eyes

**dancing queen:** wait

 

 **mork:** oH

 

 **wang-san:** O H  M Y GOD

 

 **slightly less stressed:** WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

 **wang-san:** HE ??????????????

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** JINYOUNG HYUNG PULLED OUT A RING

 

 **slightly less stressed:** F UCK

 

 **dancing queen:** JINYOUNG HYUNG IS PROPOSING?????

 

 **slightly less stressed:** OH MY GOD

 

 **mork:** BITCH WHAT THE FU CK

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** I'M SCREAMING

 

 **wang-san:** JAEBUM HYUNG IS CRYING

 

 **wang-san:** I REPEAT LIM JAEBEOM IS CRYING

 

 **slightly less stressed:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

**buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** A BITCH IS ALSO CRYING

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** AND THAT BITCH IS ME

 

 **dancing queen** : OH GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS

 

 **wang-san:** DID JINYOUNG TELL ANY OF YOU HE WAS DOING THIS????

**wang-san:** MARK DID YOU KNOW????

 

 **mork:** FUCK NO I DIDN'T

 

 **slightly less stressed:** WE'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED 

 

 **buy no more tears left to cry on itunes:** I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING OR CRYING

 

 **wang-san:** WAIT FUCK

 

 **wang-san:** JINYOUNG IS LOOKING THIS WAY

 

 **wang-san:** FUCK I THINK HE KNOWS WE'RE HERE

 

 **dancing queen:** SHIT SHIT SHIT

 

 **slightly less stressed:** HE'S COMIGN THIS WAY

 

 **mork:** RUN FOR THE CAR!!!!!!!!

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **jinyoung:** :)

 

***

**chat: tired parents of five**

 

 **he put a ring on it:** nyeongie? where did you go???

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** sorry babe

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** there was an unwanted audience around

 

 **he put a ring on it:** the boys???

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** yes

 

 **he put a ring on it:** don't be mad

 

 **he put a ring on it:** they were here for me

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:**?

 

 **he put a ring on it:** i... i was going to propose too

 

 **he put a ring on it:** but there was some mishaps and well

 

 **he put a ring on it:** you beat me to the punch

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** hyung...

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** you... you were really going to propose to me?

 

 **he put a ring on it:** of course

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** YOU WERE GOING TO PROPOSE?????

 

 **he put a ring on it:** yes????

 

 **he put a ring on it:** why are you surprised by this???

 

 **he put a ring on it:** you also proposed!!!

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** i just...

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** i didn't think you'd say no or anything

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** but i didn't think you'd ask either

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** like... i don't doubt you but...

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** you really want to be with me? forever?

 

 **he put a ring on it:** park jinyoung

 

 **he put a ring on it:** i love you in a way that i'll never even begin to outgrow

 

 **he put a ring on it:** i'm yours, forever more

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** hyung...

 

 **soon to be lim jinyoung:** me too, forever yours

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **seunnie puppy:** i'm just saying

 

 **seunnie puppy:** before jinyoung kills us

 

 **seunnie puppy:** i want to be SOMEONE'S best man

 

 **seunnie puppy:** thank you 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♪~ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pechebeom) || [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/oathskeeper)


	12. lions and tigers and bears oh my

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm disowning all of you."

**chat: vanilla on the outside, kinky on the inside**

 

 **pepi:** hyung

 

 **markie:** hm? 

 

 **pepi:** have you seen or heard from jackson or any of the others today?

 

 **markie:** not for a couple of hours no

 

 **markie:** what's up?

 

 **pepi:** uGH okay well for some reason he really wanted to have lunch with hyunjin and i today

 

 **pepi:** so we did and then i went to the restroom and when i came back they were gone???

 

 **pepi:** i've been trying to get a hold of him but he doesn't answer and neither do the others 

 

 **pepi:** i have to take hyunjin home eventually!!!

 

 **markie:** wait you mean your 3 y/o nephew hyunjin?

 

 **pepi:** yes?

 

 **markie:** oh no jinyoungie what have you done

 

 **pepi:** ????

 

 **markie:** today's that big event at the build-a-bear

 

 **markie:** you can literally buy bears at the price of how ever old your kid is

 

 **markie:** jackson basically scammed you into giving him hyunjin for stuffed animals

 

 **markie:** pretty sure the maknae's are in on it too

 

 **pepi:** seriously?!

 

 **pepi:** i'm going to kill them!!

 

 **markie:** can you at least wait until after they're done shopping?

 

 **markie:** i want my pikachu plush

 

 **pepi:** god i need new friends...

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **wangdu:** hello friends i come bearing good news and bad news

 

 **jy:** jackson wang i swear to god if you did anything to my nephew

 

 **wangdu:** rELAX HYUNJIN IS FINE 

 

 **jy:** HE FUCKING BETTER BE

 

 **wangdu:** YOUNGJAE'S GOT HIM OK JEEZ

 

 **sunshine:** he says hi hyung!

 

 **jy:** ugh youngjae tell him i'll pick him up shortly

 

 **jy:** where are you guys?

 

 **wangdu:** uh yeah,,, about that,,,,

 

 **jy:** jackson...

 

 **wangdu:** we may have had a small incident happen while shopping 

 

 **jy:** jACKSON...

 

 **wangdu:** IT'S NOT THAT BAD OKAY

 

 **jy:** WHAT HAPPENED

 

 **sunshine:** some soccer mom with a really good right hook may have broken yugyeom's nose

 

 **bam panther:** and we may or may not be currently sitting in the ER,,,

 

 **jy:** jesus christ

 

 **wangdu:** bUT THE GOOD NEWS IS WE MANAGED TO SCORE ALL OF US SOME PLUSHIES!!

 

 **jy:**...

 

 **markchu:** wasn't it only one per kid??

 

 **markchu:** how did y'all manage to get so many???

 

 **bam panther:** jackson hyung flirted with youngji noona at the register for twenty minutes

 

 **bam panther:** and she gave it to us for the discount price

 

 **markchu:** :|

 

 **wangdu:** thanks bam i knew i could count on you to throw me under the bus

 

 **bam panther:** lmao whoops

 

 **wangdu:** you know what fine

 

 **wangdu:** two can play at that

 

 **bam panther:**???

 

 **wangdu:** BAM'S THE ONE WHO PUT THE RED SOCK IN YOUR LAUNDRY AND TURNED ALL YOUR WHITES PINK JINYOUNG

 

 **bam panther:** d U D E

 

 **jy:** i fucking knew it

 

 **bam panther:** YEAH WELL,,,,,,

 

 **jaeb:** hey guys

 

 **bam panther:** YOUNGJAE HYUNG LOST HIS VIRGINITY LAST YEAR BY HAVING A THREESOME WITH MARK AND JACKSON HYUNG

 

 **jaeb:** bye guys 

 

 **sunshine:** BAM WHAT THE F U C K

 

 **bam panther:** sORRY THAT'S ALL I HAD ON JACKSON,,,,,,,

 

 **sunshine:** I'M SCREAMING HOW DID YOU EVEN KN O W

 

 **bam panther:** YOU GUYS WEREN'T EXACTLY QUIET YOU KNOW

 

 **bam panther:** ALSO DID YOU REALLY TAKE BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME????

 

 **sunshine:** aLKSDJF;ALSKDFJA;SDLFKJA

 

 **wangdu:** wow look at the time i gotta j e t

 

 **markchu:** whoops same

 

 **jy:** i am disowning all of you

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **gyeomdrop:** uh,,,

 

 **gyeomdrop:** can someone come back and pick me up from the ER?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in honor that was the chaos and disappointment of "pay your age" jfc  
> (if you had to work through that i am so sorry)
> 
> sorry for the lack of updates :(( life got busy and then i went on vacation and then shortly after that was the got7 concert (which was amazing by the way) but i should be back now hopefully!! 
> 
> come chat with me;  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pechebeom) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/oathskeeper)


	13. gatorade? retrograde...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because Mercury is in gatorade..."

**chat: our boyfriends are daddy™ but so are we**

 

 **park gae:** so when were you going to tell me about this whole fiasco?? 

 

 **wang gae:** i couldn't

 

 **park gae:** why the hell not??

 

 **wang gae:** because mercury is in gatorade 

 

 **park gae:** jackson...

 

 **wang gae:** it's not that i didn't want to tell you!!

 

 **wang gae:** but youngjae made us pinky swear not to tell

 

 **wang gae:** you know i can't break pinky swears :(((

 

 **park gae:** ugh

 

 **park gae:** well the cat's outta the bag now

 

 **park gae:** explain yourself

 

 **wang gae:** i don't really know where to start???

 

 **wang gae:** i'm still not sure myself what exactly happen

 

 **wang gae:** all i know is that youngjae wanted to lose his virginity

 

 **wang gae:** but he was too scared to do it with just anyone

 

 **wang gae:** so as his hyungs we just decided to take care of it

 

 **park gae:** i...

 

 **park gae:** are you saying this was just a bros just being bros kind of thing?

 

 **wang gae:** in a sense yeah

 

 **wang gae:** but with all the homo

 

 **park gae:** good lord

 

 **wang gae:** hey look i was just as surprised as you are when it was done

 

 **wang gae:** i always thought my first threesome would be with you and jaebum hyung

 

 **wang gae:** which by the way

 

 **wang gae:** i'm still totally down for a triple j project threesome at any point in time thank you

 

 **park gae:** gOODBYE JACKSON

 

***

**chat: one of us is missing a tooth**

 

 **grandpa:** hey

 

 **old sport:** hey

 

 **grandpa:** so uh

 

 **grandpa:** you, jacks, and youngjae...

 

 **old sport:** yep

 

 **grandpa:** you really?

 

 **old sport:** yup

 

 **grandpa:** and you both...

 

 **grandpa:** to him...

 

 **old sport:** stuffed like a holiday turkey

 

 **grandpa:** jesus christ

 

***

**chat: maknae line on top**

 

 **mabmab:** who was bigger?

 

 **eajeaj:** mark hyung

 

 **moeygmoeyg:** i fucking knew it 

 

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **sunshine:**  i just wanna let everyone know

 

 **sunshine:** i signed us all up for karaoke night at the new cafe opening up downtown

 

 **sunshine:** and before you guys say anything

 

 **sunshine:** yes you have to go

 

 **sunshine:** and no you don't have a choice

 

 **sunshine:** thank you and goodnight~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update this week because we're about to hit 300 kudos!!! wow ;;;;;;;;;; 
> 
> thank you all who read this dumb little story and those who always leave me the sweetest comments they mean a lot and it warms me heart to know a lot of you find this little thing so amusing!! i hope you all know that i do read every single comment and whatnot and even tho i'm bad at replying please know you all have my love~~
> 
> also a lot of you seemed to be curious about the whole markjaeson thing last chapter and if it's a thing you guys want i guess i could make a separate thing about it?? if that's a thing that's wanted?? not sure yet,,,
> 
> follow/talk to me here for more dumb things like jaeb's missing tooth al;skjfa  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pechebeom) || [cc](https://curiouscat.me/oathskeeper)


	14. do not pass go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He took one look at Jaebum and said, and I quote, 'Oooh cuff me daddy~'"

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **bunny boi:** hey guys

 

 **bunny boi:** have any of you seen the maknaes?

 

 **bunny boi:** or jacks?

 

 **unimpressed:** no?

 

 **sunshine:** not today nope

 

 **unimpressed:** oh god

 

 **unimpressed:** don't tell me they're missing

 

 **bunny boi:** jacks said bam didn't show up to their lunch date

 

 **bunny boi:** and has been looking for him since noon

 

 **bunny boi:** but he hasn't replied to me for the past three hours

 

 **unimpressed:** that's not like jackson at all

 

 **bunny boi:** i know

 

 **sunshine:** i haven't seen gyeommie either!!

 

 **sunshine:** i went to see him during my break but it was the new guy instead??

 

 **unimpressed:** why do i have such a bad feeling in my gut

 

 **bunny boi:** what about jaebum?

 

 **bunny boi:** has he heard anything??

 

 **unimpressed:** i haven't even heard from hyung since this morning

 

 **unimpressed:** today's his first day for his new job so it's to be expected

 

 **bunny boi:** he started a new job??

 

 **sunshine:** as what??? :000

 

 **unimpressed:** i have no idea?

 

 **unimpressed:** he didn't tell me

 

 **bunny boi:** he didn't??

 

 **unimpressed:** not really?

 

 **unimpressed:** just said something about putting his leadership skills to good use...

 

 **bunny boi:** what does that even mean...

 

 **bunny boi:** wait jacks is calling me brb

 

 **sunshine:** maybe he found yugbam!! :D

 

 **unimpressed:** that or they all caused trouble 

 

 **unimpressed:** and now need us to bail them out somehow

 

 **sunshine:** aw hyung don't be like that

 

 **sunshine:** they don't always get into trouble when left unattended

 

 **unimpressed:** youngjae we left all three them alone the other night at the karaoke bar

 

 **unimpressed:** for seven fucking minutes

 

 **unimpressed:** and came back to yugyeom stripping while jackson and bam threw monopoly money at him

 

 **sunshine:** okay that's fair

 

 **bunny boi:** FU CK

 

 **bunny boi:** WE GOTTA BAIL OUT JACKS

 

 **unimpressed:** called it

 

 **sunshine:** what happened?????

 

 **bunny boi:** JAEBUM

 

 **bunny boi:** ARRESTED HIM AND THE MAKNAES

 

 **unimpressed:** what

 

 **sunshine:**?????????????????

 

 **bunny boi:** APPARENTLY

 

 **bunny boi:** HE'S PART OF MALL SECURITY NOW???

 

 **bunny boi:** AND HAS THROWN YUGBAM AND JACKS IN MALL JAIL

 

 **sunshine:** WHAT FOR?????

 

 **bunny boi:** apparently yugbam saw him in his uniform and bam took one look at him and said

 

 **bunny boi:** "oooh cuff me daddy"

 

 **bunny boi:** and so he threw both of them in jail

 

 **unimpressed:** and jackson????

 

 **bunny boi:** took one look at jaebum and said the exact same thing as bam

 

 **unimpressed:** of course

 

 **sunshine:** A;LSDKFJA;LDFJ

 

 **sunshine:** WHO LET JAEBUM HYUNG ON THE MALL SECURITY TEAM

 

 **bunny boi:** I DON'T KNOW BUT JINYOUNG CAN YOU TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND TO CHILL?

 

 **unimpressed:** he's technically my fiance now hyung

 

 **bunny boi:** oh i'm sorry 

 

 **bunny boi:** please tell your aSSHOLE OF A FIANCE TO RELEASE THEM???

 

 **unimpressed:** can't they just

 

 **unimpressed:** stay in jail?

 

 **bunny boi:** NO??????

 

 **unimpressed:** ugh

 

 **unimpressed:** fine

 

***

**chat: tired parents of five**

 

 **just peachy:** hyunggggg~

 

 **just peachy:** why didn't you tell me about the mall cop gig????

 

 **jelly beom:** jinyoung

 

 **jelly beom:** baby

 

 **jelly beom:** love of my life

 

 **jelly beom:** my fucking cinnamon apple who is technically a peach

 

 **jelly beom:** you know exactly why i didn't tell you

 

 **just peachy:** :(

 

 **jelly beom:** ugh jinyoung no

 

 **just peachy:** :(((

 

 **jelly beom:** dammit jinyoung

 

 **jelly beom:** fine

 

 **jelly beom:** meet me by the security room on the third floor in ten

 

 **just peachy:** :)

 

 **just peachy:** oh and hyung?

 

 **jelly beom:**??

 

 **just peachy:** bring the cuffs~

 

 **jelly beom:**!!!

 

***

**chat: the one without the parents**

 

 **gyeom in gay baby jail:** please send help

 

 **bam in gay baby jail:** and fruit snacks

 

 **jacks in gay baby jail:** excuse you i AM a snack

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for lack of updates but i've been working on other stuff as well as trying to finish up the side story (which yes is coming to an end possibly during the next update maybe) and also real life has just been a m e s s. but thank you for being patient and also thanks to everyone who really enjoys this dumb little au~ you're the best!
> 
> and also thanks again for the 300+ kudos!! TT TT 
> 
>  
> 
> come chat with me:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pechebeom) || [cc](https://curiouscat.me/oathskeeper)


	15. it's virgo season my dudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you guys gonna fuck in the parking lot of an Olive Garden again?"

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **bambam:** what's up sluts

 

 **bambam:** guess who just got outta prison

 

**_-jinyoung has removed bambam from the chat-_ **

 

 **jinyoung:** we should've left him in jail

***

**chat: shoulders and thighs oh my**

 

 **leather pants:** so on a scale of 1-10 how excited are you for the birthday sex

 

 **water fist:** why are you this way

 

 **water fist:**...

 

 **water fist:** also an 11

 

 **leather pants:** oooooooo

 

 **leather pants:** are y'all gonna do it in the parking lot of an olive garden again???

 

 **water fist:** wHEN WILL YOU LET THAT GO

 

 **leather pants:** :)

 

 **leather pants:** never ever

 

 **water fist:** how do you block someone on this thing

 

 **leather pants:** aNYWAY,,,,

 

 **leather pants:** are you taking jinyoung to that new fancy restaurant downtown??

 

 **water fist:** yeah he's been dropping hints all week

 

 **water fist:** after that we'll probably either take a drive down to the beach or something

 

 **leather pants:** ooooh beach sex nice 

 

 **leather pants:** be careful sand gets fucking e v er y w h e r e 

 

 **water fist:** shut up jackson

 

 **leather pants:**!!!!

 

 **leather pants:** i'M JUST SAYING MAN BEEN THERE DONE THAT

 

 **leather pants:** there was sand in my ass for like a week

 

 **water fist:** i've never been so soft in my life

 

 **water fist:** my dick is honest to god so deflated right now

 

 **leather pants:** do i need to perform a little cpr on jb junior???? ;)))))

 

 **water fist:** i'm going to arrest you again jackson 

 

 **water fist:** don't push it

 

 **leather pants:** ooooh cuff me again daddy~ 

 

 **water fist:** i need new friends

 

 **leather pants:** boo hyung you're no fun :(

 

 **water fist:** anyway

 

 **water fist:** are you and mark going out with the kids tonight?

 

 **leather pants:** nah

 

 **leather pants:** i know they're celebrating youngjae's birthday early

 

 **leather pants:** but mark and i weren't able to do anything for his birthday because of work

 

 **leather pants:** so we're gonna

 

 **leather pants:** y'know

 

 **water fist:** hmm

 

 **water fist:** any idea on what their plans are ?

 

 **leather pants:** i think the maknaes were talking about taking youngjae to a bar or something

 

 **water fist:** oh god

 

 **leather pants:** relax hyung they'll be fine

 

 **leather pants:** i heard they invited some of their other friends along too

 

 **leather pants:** the 97liners or whatever

 

 **water fist:** that...

 

 **water fist:** that doesn't make me feel better in the slightest

 

 **leather pants:** relax hyung what's the worst they could do?

 

 **water fist:**...

 

 **leather fist:** okay yeah that's fair

 

 **leather pants:** but!!!!

 

 **leather pants:** youngjae will make sure none of them die 

 

 **water fist:** idk jacks you know how he gets when he's drunk

 

 **leather pants:** he'll be fine

 

 **leather pants:** they'll be fine

 

 **water fist:** if you say so...

 

 **leather pants:** now

 

 **leather pants:** on to more important matters,,,,,

 

 **water fist:** jackson

 

 **water fist:** for the last time n o

 

 **water fist:** we are not having a group orgy for jinyoung's birthday

 

 **leather pants:** :(

***

**chat: six gays and a youngjae**

 

 **sunshine:** um,,,

 

 **sunshine:** hey guys

 

 **sunshine:** this is mingyu from the jamba juice stand

 

 **sunshine:** and uh,,,

 

 **sunshine:** i just borrowed youngjae hyung's phone 

 

 **sunshine:** bc i think one of you might need to come get your friends

 

 **peppy pepi:** oh g o d

 

 **peppy pepi:** what did they d o

 

 **sunshine:** don't know but yugyeom's humping the floor again,,,,,

 

 **sunshine:** and youngjae hyung is currently on top of the bar table

 

 **sunshine:** singing a very passionate rendition of 'i wanna dance with somebody'

 

 **sunshine:** and i haven't seen bam for a few hours,,,,,,,

 

 **peppy pepi:** jackson

 

 **peppy pepi:** mark hyung 

 

 **peppy pepi:** it's your turn to get the kids

 

 **fendiman:** wHAT????

 

 **fendiman:** THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!

 

 **fendiman:** WHY CAN'T YOU GO GET THEM???

 

 **peppy pepi:** i am literally balls deep inside jaebum hyung at this very moment

 

 **peppy pepi:** so get off your fucking ass and go pick up the demons and youngjae

 

 **fendiman:** BUT!!!!!

 

 **honey beom:** please for the love of god jackson just go pick them up before i die from non-penetration 

 

 **honey beom:** when he says he's balls deep 

 

 **honey beom:** he means bALLS D E E P 

 

 **fendiman:** HUFFS

 

 **i'm only awake bc i'm playing games:** c'mon jacks

 

 **i'm only awake bc i'm playing games:** i'll buy you a mcflurry on the way

 

 **fendiman:**...

 

 **fendiman:** fine

 

 **sunshine:** you might wanna hurry

 

 **sunshine:** bam just resurfaced with more shots

 

 **sunshine:** and yugyeom just did the whole dance scene from flashdance

 

 **sunshine:** water being poured and all

 

 **sunshine:** and youngjae just discovered the bruno mars section of the jukebox 

 

 **fendiman:** fuck

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops it's been awhile,,,,,,,,,,,,,
> 
> in all honestly sorry for the lack of updates my dudes. life's been busy and all that jazz but it's almost officially comeback season and i'm so excited!! really feel like this era is gonna kill me lmao
> 
> come talk to me :>
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pechebeom) || [cc](https://curiouscat.me/oathskeeper)


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